I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
