Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
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Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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