That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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