just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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