They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
