Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I smell stomach acid.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
