apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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