i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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