His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
