My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
