no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
