He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
