He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I will be naked everywhere
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
