dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
