and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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