And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
