is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
