I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
