There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
