At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He called his prostate his "boner button".
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
