I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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