Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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