I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
