I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
