Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
