My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
