She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
