If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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