Cold hands, warm shart.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
