Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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