I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
