Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
