wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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