have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
