i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
