Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
