Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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