There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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