Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
