i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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