I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize