Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
