Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
