By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
