i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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