If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
