Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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