had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You are a genius and a whore.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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