I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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