i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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