Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
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she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
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I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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