i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
