she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
