I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
