ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Someone came in the potted fern
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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