No stitches, just platelets and will power
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize