forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
