I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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