I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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