Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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