I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
