your parents love me but you hate me
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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