I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
