P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
