I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
