im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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