You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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