M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It was confusing and full of hummus
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
