brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
