did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
