im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
