you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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