Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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