If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
