Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish i was in the wii world.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
