Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
