when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
